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You may be surprised, but we, as wives, have a lot of power over what happens in our homes. It’s been said that the woman sets the tone and the mood for their household and I’ve definitely found that to be true in my house.
So knowing this, it should be easy to understand that we have some other superpowers that maybe we aren’t tapping into.
Before I explain how to get your husband to do what you want there’s something you need to know
If you came to this little corner of the web to find a magic spell for your husband’s help or some other crazy “snap your fingers and make him listen” method, I’m sorry but that’s not the answer.
The answer is you.
I’m not telling you that you’re doing the wrong things, or that you’re the problem.
I’m telling you that you are the solution to how to get your husband to help.
We don’t have to play evil games or do crazy outlandish things to get our husband’s to get up and do things.
We just need to use a couple tools that we all have hidden inside us.
And side note- this doesn’t excuse your husband’s behavior and it shouldn’t give the expectation that we are responsible for their actions. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try to help.
Step 1: Find something he does well
What does your husband do well? It could be something huge like building houses or saving people from fires. Or it could be something small but significant to you- like locking all the doors and windows before you go to sleep.
If you have bitterness and resentment towards your husband and can’t think of anything- try to brush that to side.
Take some time to pay attention to him. Watch what he does. Even if it’s just the smallest amount of effort put into something- take note of it.
Can’t find anything? Think of something he used to do well and hold onto that for step
Step 2: Pray for him
There’s an old saying- maybe you’ve heard of it. I don’t know the exact quote so I’ll paraphrase:
When you are harboring unforgiveness for someone or have bitterness against them, praying for them is the quickest path to forgiveness.
Begin to pray for your husband. Ask God to help heal your relationship and bring back or renew the motivation that used to exist.
It is easy to get complacent in marriage. If you feel like your marriage needs a revival, make sure to check out my free 5-Day Marriage Revival Course.
Step 3: Begin to recognize him for what he does well
We hold so much power with our words. When we recognize our husband’s for what they do well, it motivates them to do more.
If you are not used to doing this, that is ok, practice makes perfect. It may seem awkward at first and unnatural. But so did walking and talking when you were a child and you still had to learn how to do it.
If you are married, you chose to love your husband. And love is sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice means becoming uncomfortable doing things for our spouse that we don’t want to do.
But I’m not asking you to move a mountain. I’m asking you to be nice. (Although for some of you, it may seem like the same difficulty level.)
If speaking these things is especially hard for you at first, feel free to text him. But start somewhere.
Here are some ways to recognize your husband for what he does well:
Tell him “Thank you for_______”
Be specific with what he did.
“Thank you for taking out the trash.”
“Thank you for pouring me a cup of water too”
“Thank you for working hard so that we have a place to live”
“Thank you for turning all the lights off last night.”
Whatever you began to notice in step 1, this is what you would thank your husband for.
Tell him what he did has value
Let him know how it has affected you or your children.
If he spent time giving your child some wisdom thank him and tell him how that will impact your child for the rest of their lives.
If he risks his life at work tell him that you are grateful because if it wasn’t for his sacrifice, you’re family would be in a worse place.
Letting a person know how their action is bringing value to you gives them more fuel to want to do more.
Tell him how his actions made you feel
If he locks the doors at night when you thank him, tell him it makes you feel safer.
If he does the dishes, tell him that he bring you peace of mind that the kitchen is clean.
Step 4: Up your game with public recognition
Now, this is not something that you should do right away, especially if expressing gratitude is new for you.
Practice at home first with the above steps.
But once it becomes more natural for you, giving your husband praise in front of other’s should come easy.
If you value your husband, recognizing him in front of other’s shouldn’t be forced.
Recognize him in person:
Now the “perfect” way to do this is to be subtle. And follow these steps:
- Be in a place where your husband can hear you.
- Start a conversation with another person.
- Say something nice about your husband within earshot of him.
For example, as your talking with a friend, you could say something like “I was so sick last week and my husband made sure that everything was taken care of. He cooked, he cleaned and went grocery shopping so that I could rest. I’m so grateful for him!”
You don’t have to brag like he is the most amazing person in the world- unless he is then you should still be wise in how you talk to your friends about him- you don’t want to shove it in their face.
Just start a conversation and include something your husband did and how you’re grateful for it.
Don’t speak louder once you start talking about him. Just be casual and if he didn’t hear it oh well. Try again another day.
Recognize him online:
Write a Facebook post. If you’re on Facebook or any other social media platform write a post recognizing your husband.
This is something that comes naturally for me. Since I post on Facebook all the time.
Remember- this isn’t manipulation. We should be grateful for our husband’s and the effort that they put in.
There is nothing wrong with recognizing someone and being thankful. As long as you don’t post it every day and come off as braggy. You never want to be a stumbling block in someone else’s marriage.
An example of a Facebook post:
“Today my hubby distracted the kids while I rested in our room. He made sure to not let them come ask me any questions or bother me! I got some much needed time to myself and I’m so grateful for him!!!”
Simple and easy breezy!
Step 5: Give it Time
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither is building someone up. You’ll be married the rest of your lives right?
So you have plenty of time to practice!
Don’t give up if you don’t see anything change in a day or even a week.
Sometimes we bring our spouse so far down that it takes a while to help them out of the hole we or someone else dug them into.
And that is ok. You know why? Because you’re his wife and if you are a Christian one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is longsuffering.
If you keep the course, I can’t guarantee you’ll get results, but you can build your spouse up. And speaking in love will be noticed by him, and more importantly, God sees your good work!
Step 6: What to do when you see change
When you do start to see change this should be your own motivation to keep encouraging your husband! Notice the new things that he is doing and tell him that you appreciate it! Don’t ever stop. Everyone like being appreciated for what they do. Even if it’s just basic things or things that we should already be doing.
So if you notice your husband putting in extra effort somewhere, make sure to acknowledge it.
If we as wives can learn to encourage our husband’s they’ll show us that they are capable of putting in the effort. And not just effort, but accomplishing their God-given roles. A little encouragement can go a long way. Marriage is a team effort dependant on both of you putting in the effort. But sometimes when someone stops- that doesn’t mean you should too. Sometimes as husband’s and wives, it’s necessary to carry each other.
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Need help in your marriage? You can check out My FREE Marriage Revival Course! Take 5 days to pour into your marriage together and finish with new hope!
If your marriage suffers from poor communication you can fix your communication issues by grabbing My Marriage Communication Cards!
If you need counseling but don’t want to go to a counselor try out Marriage Fitness as an alternative to traditional counseling.
If you or your spouse struggle with an addiction to porn Covenant Eyes is an amazing resource to stop addiction in its tracks.
If you want books for any area or topic of your marriage you can check out the Christian Marriage Books I Recommend