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It took a long time to find my way back to God. But as I think about it, I didn’t find my way back, instead God chased after me until I would finally listen. When I rededicated my life to Christ it was the second best decision I ever made. Only coming after giving my life to God in the first place
When I was first saved
I gave my life to Jesus when I was eight years old. But I was in an extremely broken situation that I wanted God to fix.
Just like almost anyone who first comes to Christ, I only knew the basics about God. I knew that He came to Earth to live a perfect life and die on the cross to pay for my sins. And when I accepted His gift, I could live with Him in heaven. But in my mind, knowing the power that God had, I wanted Him to do more than just save me.
I wanted Him to save me from the abuse and torture I was going through in my home.
I prayed and prayed but I thought God wasn’t listening. And since I felt He had given up on me, I gave up on Him.
I’m grateful that the abuse stopped three years later, and that I finally escaped from the evilness that is my mother when I was seventeen. But the years that passed in between my salvation and when I finally turned back to God were filled with anger and resentment towards Him. Even though I felt conviction when I sinned, I continued to sin.
Even though I saw God’s blessings and Him trying to reach me, I still wanted nothing to do with Him.
It’s crazy to look back and see how God was always there for me even though I wanted nothing to do with Him. The people and opportunities He placed in my life in the darkest of moments, I’ll be eternally grateful for.
Unfortunately, they still didn’t keep me from living a sin filled life. By the time I was nineteen, I was smoking weed, drinking and going to the club almost every weekend.
The day that changed my life
I had an amazing job in Seattle, which I sometimes commuted to by train or bus. One day as my best friend and I had gotten back to the train station to head to our cars, we were approached by a street evangelist.
He came up to us and started giving us the gospel. I told him I already knew Jesus, thinking that he would be satisfied with what I said and walk away.
Instead, what he said next changed my life forever. I’ll never forget his words.
He said, “Let me ask you a question, if you went a week without eating and suddenly had to defend your life against an attacker, do you think you would be able defend yourself?”
I said no.
“Of course not, your body would be weak. It’s the same when it comes to your spirit. Your spirit needs to be fed with the word of God, if you go without reading it, when your spirit is attacked, it will be to weak to defend yourself.”
Then he handed me a coin that has the ten commandments on it. (I still have this coin)
He asked me, “Did you know that the bible says that if you lust after a man or a woman that it is considered adultery? Or if you hate someone it is the same as murder in God’s eyes?” And of course, as someone who never took the time to read or study the bible, I said “no.”
I can’t remember what else we talked about but I went home that night and opened my bible and started reading. And I couldn’t stop.
When I rededicated my life to Christ, it wasn’t really a decision. It was a process. The more I read God’s word, the more it changed me.
Getting closer to God
That Sunday I found a church that I had visited as a child that had left an impression on me, I walked in and sat in the back. The church is called Christ the King Bible Fellowship in Federal Way, Washington.
I knew the pastor, his niece was close friends with my sister and we used to go to his house sometimes when I was in grade school.
The more I went to church, the more I understood. The more I read, the more I wanted to know.
I stopped cussing. I was so overjoyed learning what God sacrificed for me that I wanted everyone to know the hope that I had. And I didn’t want that to be tainted by what was coming out of my mouth.
I stopped listening to secular music. I remembered a friend had had me listen to some christian rap. Growing up on hip hop and r&b I was really interested in finding out more about it. And that’s when I learned about Lecrae. I bought his cd and it was a wrap, I never listened to secular music again. That was eleven years ago, so when people mention new artists names, or songs I’ve never heard of people look at me like I’m cray, but that’s another subject…
I gave my love interest an ultimatum
At the time I was friends with my now husband. We weren’t in a relationship yet, but it was clear that’s what we were moving towards. He was living in South Carolina and planning on moving back. I told him about the decision I had made and let him know that this was my new life.
He could accept it or he could move on!
When he came back he continued to pursue me, and I brought him to church with me.
When we started dating I introduced him to my pastor and whispered to him “He’s not saved!”
At this point we were going to Sunday service, and I was helping out sometimes for their Saturday night service when they fed the homeless.
One night Tj came with me and the gospel was given at the end of the service. Tj didn’t raise his hand.
I was in the kitchen praying like there would be no tomorrow!
My pastor walked up to him and talked him. He said he knew he didn’t raise his hand but he thought maybe he wanted to come to the back with everyone else who did. Tj went with my pastor to the group of people who had just made a decision to make Jesus Lord of their lives, and then he made that decision! I can’t describe how happy I was!
Growing together in Christ
From there we were in church what seemed like every day of the week. We went to Sunday service, Saturday night service, Tuesday night KRC and Wednesday night bible study. We couldn’t get enough of God’s word. And I’m so grateful to have had a church that focused on discipleship.
It all made a difference, but I think the biggest impact was KRC. KRC stood for keeping it real for Christ. It was a bible study for 18-28 year olds, and we talked about any and everything under the sun! This is where I learned how to interpret the bible and give the gospel among many other important things. It changed my walk with God tremendously.
On December 28th, 2008 I got baptized. Along with my sister and Tj.
Crazy to think that was ten years ago, but I truly believe that keeping my spirit “healthy” is why I haven’t turned back. Do I still sin? Of course, no one is perfect. But I try my best not to. I live my life trying my best to glorify and worship the one true God.
My life verse is 1 Corinthians 9:27, “But I discipline my body and bring it unto subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” When I first read this verse, it resonated so deep in my soul. After all Christ has done for me, of course I should do my best to live holy to glorify Him, but I also want to share the good news with others.
I can’t do that if I am full of sin. Christians may judge my choices, but if someone who doesn’t know Christ sees me in sin, all my credibility to preach the gospel to them has vanished. I want everyone I know, everyone I don’t know, to come to know the hope that is the cross of Christ.
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